Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
