Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
