you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
