does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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