I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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