He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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