i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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