First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
