he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
