I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
