I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You pole danced in your parka.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
