Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
