just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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