I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
