I hate all girls vehemently.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
