oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
