so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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