She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
