A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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