She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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