shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
