i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
