I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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