3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
