just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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