i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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