my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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