I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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