Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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