You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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