I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Rumble strips road head = magical
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
