We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
