I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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