I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
