Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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