Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
