so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
