You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
