The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
