girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
