I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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