i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
