i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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