i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
