After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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