there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
