my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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