i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
