Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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