I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
