He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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