the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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