But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We got so high we made milksteak
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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