If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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