shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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