I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
