My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
