There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
