I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My penis needs a shock collar
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
